[00:00:00] 中文 在那時候,我遇到千萬人

[00:00:03] 中文 他們從不同的背景、不同的教育、生活方式

[00:00:08] 中文 一些因為他們感到疾瘋,其他人在疾瘋

[00:00:13] 中文 其他人在結婚,其他人想變得更好的父母、更好的主持人

[00:00:18] 中文 或是更好的自己的版本

[00:00:21] 中文 在過去的二十年裡面,我擔任心理健康治療師

[00:00:25] 中文 那在這段指甲裡面,我接觸過上千位的個案,他們都是不同的原因來找我的,可能是焦慮,可能是哀傷,可能是婚姻出了一些狀況,或是希望成為更好的父母,或是優秀的領導者,或是單純想成為更好的指甲。

[00:00:44] 中文 雖然每個人都帶著不同的生命故事來找我,可是卻有一個問題反復出現,心理治療真的對我有幫助嗎?

[00:01:05] 中文 那這個問題呢 我寫下了一本書 書名就叫做 心理治療 它是改變人生的契機 還是一種生活型態 還是根本就浪費時間

[00:01:26] 中文 現在是一種誤會的題目,因為在我的經歷,所有三個答案都可以正確。

[00:01:32] 英文 can be true.

[00:01:33] 英文 For some people, therapy changes the course of their lives, but for others, therapy becomes

[00:01:38] 英文 a weekly habit without producing meaningful change, and unfortunately, some people spend

[00:01:44] 英文 months or even years in therapy, and walk away disappointed, wondering why nothing ever

[00:01:50] 英文 changed.

[00:01:51] 英文 Now today, I'd like to answer a different question, how do you get the most out of therapy?

[00:02:20] 中文 還有對一群人來說,有些人花了很多很多的時間進行心理治療,可是最後卻什麼都沒有改變

[00:02:27] 中文 所以這三種狀況都是有可能會發生的

[00:02:29] 中文 那我今天想要問你一個問題是,你如何要從心理治療獲得最大的注意?就是我今天的講題

[00:02:37] 中文 所以不單止是否有醫療效果,但是否有醫療效果

[00:02:42] 中文 是一番重要的事情在臺灣。

[00:02:46] 中文 健康健康健康的社會是越來越多。

[00:02:50] 中文 那是最新的。

[00:02:52] 中文 有關的病毒是在增加的病毒。

[00:02:54] 中文 更多人會願意請求救助。

[00:02:57] 中文 但在同時,很多人都不在乎。

[00:03:00] 中文 什麼事情在病毒?

[00:03:02] 中文 誰要去?

[00:03:04] 中文 我需要去?

[00:03:06] 中文 我需要我去做朋友嗎?

[00:03:08] 中文 我需要知道我的朋友嗎?

[00:03:10] 中文 那我相信就是心理治療要怎麼樣獲得助力在臺灣也是一個很重要的議題

[00:03:25] 中文 因為其實全世界現在都很重視心理健康

[00:03:28] 中文 那越來越多人是主動願意去做心理治療的

[00:03:32] 中文 但是還是很多人在做心理治療的同時大家會心中有疑問

[00:03:37] 中文 心理治療的過程中到底有幫助是,誰真正需要做心理治療,尋求心理治療是不是代表我是一個很弱的人,或是說我不要心理治療是不是也可以找朋友聊聊就好了,或是說我如何知道心理師真的對我有幫助,那這些都是很好的問題,那我希望今天演講結束的時候大家的這些問題都可以獲得解答。

[00:03:58] 中文 今天我不是要去認識每個人都應該在認識

[00:04:01] 中文 在認識,我認為一些人不需要認識

[00:04:04] 中文 一些人只需要一個友調的朋友

[00:04:07] 中文 一些人只需要更多睡

[00:04:09] 中文 或健康的 habits

[00:04:11] 中文 或更多健康

[00:04:12] 中文 一些人需要 difficult conversations

[00:04:14] 中文 一些人只需要 slow down

[00:04:16] 中文 認識是一種重要的東西

[00:04:20] 中文 它不是唯一的東西

[00:04:22] 中文 而解識的方法和方法是一種重要的東西

[00:04:27] 中文 請大家不要以為我今天是來宣傳

[00:04:30] 中文 每個人都應該去做心理治療

[00:04:32] 中文 事實上我相信很多人是不需要的

[00:04:34] 中文 有些人其實只是需要一位可以彈心的好朋友

[00:04:38] 中文 或是更衝突的睡眠

[00:04:40] 中文 或是更健康的生活習慣

[00:04:42] 中文 或是隻是需要鼓起勇氣來進行一次困難的對話

[00:04:47] 中文 有些人只是要讓生活慢下來

[00:04:49] 中文 所以心理治療是一個工具

[00:04:50] 中文 但它並不是唯一的工具

[00:04:52] 中文 明白什麼時候該使用它

[00:04:54] 中文 如何善用它才是最重要的

[00:04:57] 中文 Now, one of my favorite experiences happened when I was in graduate school.

[00:05:00] 英文 One of my professors was a renowned psychologist who specialised in treating military veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.

[00:05:09] 英文 For 12 weeks, we studied his methods. He explained diagnostic criteria, he discussed treatment models, he taught us sophisticated therapeutic techniques.

[00:05:19] 英文 then finally came the day i'd been waiting for we watched videos of his actual therapy sessions

[00:05:28] 英文 and i was excited i thought i was about to watch a master perform something extraordinary

[00:05:36] 英文 i expected psychological brilliance instead he greeted the client warmly he asked one question

[00:05:46] 英文 tell me about your week. Then he barely bloody said a word. The client talked, and the professor

[00:05:54] 英文 listened. The client talked more, and the professor nodded. Occasionally he asked a thoughtful

[00:06:22] 中文 然後有一天我們在課堂上要看老師示範

[00:06:25] 中文 就是他是如何進行心理治療的錄影帶

[00:06:28] 中文 那我就很興奮想說我要看到大師出馬了

[00:06:31] 中文 然後在影片裡面我只看到我的教授

[00:06:34] 中文 就是很溫暖的跟個案問個好

[00:06:36] 中文 然後呢就說你跟我說說你這一週過得如何

[00:06:39] 中文 然後接下來我的教授就不怎麼講話

[00:06:41] 中文 就是隻有個案一直講

[00:06:43] 中文 然後教授專注聽

[00:06:45] 中文 然後呢偶爾教授會提出一個很好的問題

[00:06:48] 中文 但是主要就是個案在講

[00:06:49] 中文 然後就這樣結束了

[00:06:52] 中文 I remember leaving the class disappointed and I thought, is that it?

[00:06:57] 中文 The client did most of the talking.

[00:07:00] 英文 Now, as a young student, I completely misunderstood what I'd just witnessed.

[00:07:05] 英文 Today, after two decades as a therapist, I realized I had actually watched a master at work.

[00:07:13] 英文 He understood something that many people misunderstand.

[00:07:16] 英文 The therapist was never supposed to be the hero.

[00:07:19] 英文 The client was.

[00:07:21] 英文 The therapist was not there to rescue someone.

[00:07:24] 英文 who has created a safe environment where another human being could discover truth,

[00:07:29] 英文 develop insight, and begin changing his own life.

[00:07:33] 中文 That lesson changed the way I understand therapy.

[00:07:51] 中文 他示範了,在心靈治療裡面,治療師從來就不應該是那個主角,個案自己才是,所以我們的治療師不是要前來拯救誰,我們的職責是要創造一個安全的空間,然後讓一個生命可以在這個安全的空間裡面發現真相,然後能親自改變自己的人生。

[00:08:19] 英文 We don't fortune tell. We don't man-read. We're not professional advice givers. Good therapists certainly have knowledge. They understand psychology, human behaviour. They understand research. But their greatest skill is often much simpler. They know how to listen. They know how to ask the right questions. They know how to help people see what they've been able to see on their own.

[00:08:46] 英文 This is very different from solving someone's problems. In fact, I haven't told people this

[00:09:16] 英文 This is what I tell people, the goal of therapy is not to make you dependent on your therapist.

[00:09:34] 英文 The goal of therapy is to make you increasingly capable without your therapist.

[00:09:41] 英文 That single sentence captures almost everything I believe about the therapy.

[00:09:46] 英文 Therapy should increase your capacity.

[00:09:49] 英文 Your capacity to think, to regulate emotions, to solve problems, to build healthy relationships.

[00:09:57] 英文 Your capacity to face suffering without becoming overwhelmed.

[00:10:04] 中文 它會成為一名的最大的投資,但這提起另一個重要的問題,

[00:10:12] 中文 如果療療有那麼多的能力,為什麼有些人感受驚喜的變化,

[00:10:16] 中文 而其他人感受驚喜幾乎沒有?

[00:10:20] 中文 事實上,我常常會講這句話,心理治療的目標,

[00:10:24] 中文 不是讓你依賴你的治療師

[00:10:26] 中文 他的目標是讓你即使沒有治療師

[00:10:29] 中文 也可以越來越具備自主面對人生的能力

[00:10:33] 中文 那這句話就概括了我對於優質心理治療的這個信念

[00:10:39] 中文 一個好的心理治療應該可以拓展你的生命的能力

[00:10:44] 中文 包含你怎麼樣去調節情緒

[00:10:47] 中文 怎麼樣去解決問題

[00:10:49] 中文 怎麼樣去建立健康人際關係

[00:10:51] 中文 還有讓你面對人生苦難不至於被打倒

[00:10:55] 中文 壓垮的一個心理容量

[00:10:58] 中文 所以當如果你的心理治療可以達到這些目標的話

[00:11:01] 中文 它就是一個很值得的自我投資

[00:11:04] 中文 但是這個引出了另外一個重要的問題

[00:11:06] 中文 就是為什麼心理治療

[00:11:08] 中文 假設說有這麼大的好處的話

[00:11:10] 中文 為什麼有些人做心理治療以後可以有驚人的蛻變

[00:11:14] 中文 但是有些人卻沒有什麼進展

[00:11:16] 中文 現在二十多年醫療工作後,我來到一個簡單的結論。

[00:11:21] 中文 差別是不少智慧,不少教育,也不少是有一個重點。

[00:11:27] 中文 最大的差別是這個。

[00:11:31] 英文 經過十年的臨床的經驗,我得出了一個結論,有些人會覺得很有幫助,有些人會覺得沒有變化,關鍵在於這句話。

[00:11:44] 英文 Are you ready? Drum roll.

[00:11:48] 英文 The people who benefit most understand that therapy is not something that is done to them, it is something they actively participate in.

[00:11:58] 英文 in. The client is not a passenger, the client is a partner. And that brings up the central

[00:12:04] 英文 idea I want to leave with you today. Therapy is not magic. Therapists are not magicians.

[00:12:09] 英文 Real change happens when an effective therapist and a committed client work together towards

[00:12:13] 英文 the same goal. When both bring what they are supposed to bring, therapy can truly become

[00:12:19] 英文 The question then is simple. What does the client need to bring? That is what I'd like to spend the rest of our time exploring together.

[00:12:36] 中文 心理治療並不是由外強加在他們身上的事情

[00:12:43] 中文 而是需要按住自己全新投入主動參與的歷程

[00:12:47] 中文 也就是說個案並不應該是一個被動的被施加者

[00:12:50] 中文 而是一個平等的作夥伴

[00:12:52] 中文 所以真正的好的改變會發生在於

[00:12:56] 中文 個案跟治療師攜手有一個共同的目標一起努力

[00:13:00] 中文 這樣才可以發揮心理治療的力量

[00:13:03] 中文 所以,客戶是甚麼帶來的? 後來年長的工作,年輕人,年輕人,婚姻,家庭,我發現了甚麼。

[00:13:11] 中文 人們所感到的最大的改變,不是最大的最大人,最貴重,最貴重的問題,他們是人們所面對的改善療程度。

[00:13:22] 中文 今天,我希望分享五個技術,我相信會幫助人們最大的改善療程度。

[00:13:29] 中文 那假設今天大家的身份是來做心理治療的個案,那身為個案你需要為你的治療帶來什麼?你才可以讓心理治療對你發出最大的注意。

[00:13:44] 英文 One, come with a purpose.

[00:13:49] 英文 One of the first questions I ask a new client is surprisingly simple. What would you like to be different? Sometimes the answer comes quickly. I want to stop having panic attacks. I want to save a marriage. I want to stop yelling at my children. I want to feel confident. But many people don't know. They simply say, I don't know. I just know I don't want to feel like this anymore.

[00:14:15] 英文 That's what I'm asking for.

[00:14:17] 英文 The first question is that you need a very clear purpose to do that.

[00:14:21] 英文 The first question is that you hope your life will change your life.

[00:14:26] 英文 Some people can tell you a very specific answer.

[00:14:29] 英文 For example, I want to find out my marriage.

[00:14:32] 英文 But many people don't have answers.

[00:14:34] 英文 They say I don't know. I just don't want to cry.

[00:14:37] 英文 At the beginning, no answer is fine.

[00:14:40] 英文 that's perfectly okay sometimes therapy begins with confusion but

[00:14:50] 英文 eventually confusion becomes clarity now imagine you hide the taxi driver you

[00:14:55] 英文 climb into the back seat and the driver turns around and asks where'd you like

[00:14:59] 英文 to go and you answer I don't know how can the driver possibly get you there

[00:15:04] 英文 therapy works the same way a therapist cannot help you move toward a destination

[00:15:09] 英文 that neither of you can describe. Notice I didn't say you need to know exactly how you'll get there, that's the therapist's job, but you should eventually know where you're trying to go. In my book, I distinguish between two broad purposes for therapy.

[00:15:43] 中文 可是你至少要提供一個你想要前往的方向,那在我的書裡面,我將治療的目的分成兩個型別。

[00:15:52] 中文 第一次是我稱為是emote therapy,這是一個生意的方法,讓你感受到的感受,有很大的價值,很多人持有負責,他們沒有說謊,他們花了一年在扮演,全部都好,醫生給他們讓他們讓他們扮演,有時那一刻是深刻的癒癒。

[00:16:16] 中文 那第一個型別就是讓我的案主有一個情緒宣洩和安全感的一個空間

[00:16:24] 中文 就是我會讓她覺得她是在一個絕對安全的空間裡面去梳理她的情緒

[00:16:29] 中文 她可以卸下她可能多年來的一個防衛機制

[00:16:43] 英文 parents in therapy. This kind of therapy asks what would success look like? What skills

[00:16:49] 英文 need to be learned? What habits need to change? What relationships need to improve and what

[00:16:55] 英文 obstacle stands in your way? This approach treats therapy as a journey with a beginning,

[00:16:59] 英文 a middle and an end. Now the approach is wrong, the important question is simply this,

[00:17:00] 中文 neither approach is wrong

[00:17:03] 中文 the important question is simply this

[00:17:05] 中文 which one are you looking for

[00:17:08] 中文 那第二種目的的話是目標導向,就是我們會需要按組去探問說你希望學習什麼新技能,要改變什麼習慣,要修復什麼關係,那面前有哪些阻礙這樣子,所以我們會有一定的歷程要去推進,然後呢,

[00:17:38] 中文 最後要走向獨立結案

[00:17:41] 中文 那不管你只是來宣洩情緒

[00:17:43] 中文 還是你是目標導向

[00:17:44] 中文 其實這兩種都是很常見的治療目的

[00:17:49] 中文 那關鍵在於你自己想要是哪一種

[00:17:51] 中文 如果你是想要目標導向

[00:17:53] 中文 但是治療師提供的是

[00:17:55] 中文 只是給你宣洩情緒的空間

[00:17:57] 中文 那你就會覺得很不滿意

[00:17:58] 中文 那反之亦然

[00:17:59] 中文 所以一開始就必須要

[00:18:01] 中文 有很明確的共同目的

[00:18:03] 中文 第二次的主要是你必須完全誠實。

[00:18:11] 中文 它們是很明顯的,但誠實在一部門的確是很難的。

[00:18:20] 中文 很多人都會經常生活在我們管人們的照片。

[00:18:25] 中文 我們要人們去看我們,我們要人們去看我們生活的。

[00:18:29] 中文 即使我們看到幫助,伴侶仍然想要看著很刺激。

[00:18:33] 中文 醫生會問我們要做什麼非常不同,它會問我們要取消防護。

[00:18:40] 中文 我經常告訴客人,我只能工作人員在這個房間。

[00:18:45] 中文 我無法幫助你承認我。

[00:18:48] 中文 這通常會讓我笑,但這也真實。

[00:18:59] 中文 就是知聽感很理所當然

[00:19:01] 中文 但是其實要在諮商室裡面

[00:19:03] 中文 達到完全的誠實是比較困難的

[00:19:07] 中文 因為我們這一輩子都希望

[00:19:09] 中文 給人家是一個非常好的印象

[00:19:11] 中文 所以當心理治療師要求我們

[00:19:13] 中文 要卸下這些面具的時候

[00:19:15] 中文 其實我們常常是沒有辦法第一時間做到

[00:19:19] 中文 但是我常常會對我的個案說

[00:19:21] 中文 我只能幫助走進這些諮商室

[00:19:24] 中文 那個人的真實的那個人

[00:19:27] 中文 我沒有辦法幫助你衛裝出來的那個帶領面具的人

[00:19:57] 中文 在心理智商之面前要引擎在心理智商之面前,

[00:20:01] 中文 在心理智商之面前要引擎在心理智商之面前,

[00:20:04] 中文 在心理智商之面前要引擎在心理智商之面前要引擎在心理智商之面前,

[00:20:09] 中文 在心理智商之面前要引擎在心理智商之面前要引擎在心理智商之面前,

[00:20:16] 中文 你也會停止自己瘋狂,保護自己的現象。

[00:20:46] 中文 但其實你會發現,你不用再花費心力去維持虛假形象,這才是你可以獲得自信的起點。

[00:20:55] 中文 Principle 3, be willing to learn.

[00:21:00] 英文 One of my favorite sayings is this.

[00:21:04] 英文 If nothing changes, nothing changes.

[00:21:09] 英文 Every one of us has habits.

[00:21:12] 英文 help us, some quietly work against us. In psychology we often use the word maladaptive. It simply means a strategy that isn't helping us any more.

[00:21:42] 英文 sometimes we don't even realize we're repeating the same unhealthy pattern

[00:21:51] 英文 we react the same way we think the same thoughts make the same decisions then we wonder why life

[00:21:58] 英文 feels stuck well therapy shines a light on those patterns but insight alone is not enough imagine

[00:22:05] 英文 attending a tennis lesson the coach immediately knows your backhand is incorrect

[00:22:10] 英文 It explains what needs to change. You'll understand completely. Then you leave and continue swinging in exactly the same way. Would you become a better tennis player? Of course not.

[00:22:40] 英文 Now, understanding is important, but practice is transformational.

[00:22:49] 英文 Therapy works the same way. A therapist might teach communication skills, boundary setting, emotional regulation, thought management, self-awareness, conflict resolution.

[00:22:58] 英文 But learning only becomes change when those skills leaves the therapist's office and enter ordinary life.

[00:23:04] 英文 The office is the classroom, life is the examination.

[00:23:08] 英文 This is my favorite one, principle four, expect discomfort, there's no growth in the comfort zone, there's no comfort in the growth zone.

[00:23:35] 英文 This principle surprises people. Good therapy often feels uncomfortable. Growth usually does. Think about physical exercise. If you never increase resistance, your muscle never becomes stronger. Our emotional lives work pretty much the same way. Many people begin therapy hoping difficult emotions will disappear. Instead, they sometimes discover those emotions become more noticeable for a while. Why? Because they finally stop running from them.

[00:24:18] 中文 如果你不增加那個重量,阻力的話,你就沒有辦法變得更強壯

[00:24:23] 中文 所以很多人走進治療間的時候,是希望那個痛苦的情緒可以馬上消失

[00:24:29] 中文 然後在肢上的一開始,那些痛苦反而是更明顯的

[00:24:49] 英文 None of these experiences are easy, but they're often necessary.

[00:24:54] 英文 I frequently remind clients, if I don't challenge you, it probably won't change you.

[00:25:01] 中文 temporary discomfort is often the price of long term freedom

[00:25:04] 中文 那有的時候要獲得療癒就是必須要重新面對一些不想面對的記憶

[00:25:11] 中文 或是進行一些很困難的對話

[00:25:13] 中文 或是要去勇於面對自己的責任

[00:25:16] 中文 甚至要去原諒一些其實現實中都沒有向你道歉的人在心裡原諒他們

[00:25:21] 中文 那我會跟我的客戶說

[00:25:23] 中文 如果這件事情沒有為你帶來挑戰的感覺

[00:25:27] 中文 那他大概也很難為你帶來改變

[00:25:43] 英文 Too many people attend therapy for months or are ever asking whether anything is changing. Imagine taking medication without checking whether your symptoms improved.

[00:25:52] 英文 Or taking piano lessons without noticing whether you play better, progress matters.

[00:25:57] 英文 Research tells us that simply measuring change often helps produce change.

[00:26:02] 英文 When we pay attention, we become intentional, celebrate small victories.

[00:26:07] 英文 Perhaps your anxiety dropped from an 8 to a 6, perhaps arguments with your spouse decreased,

[00:26:11] 英文 perhaps you're sleeping better, perhaps you're criticizing yourself less often.

[00:26:15] 英文 Small changes become large changes when practiced consistently.

[00:26:21] 英文 That's the fifth rule of order is to take a look at the next step.

[00:26:25] 英文 And then you have to take a look at your symptoms.

[00:26:29] 英文 Or you have to go to the next stage.

[00:26:31] 中文 你要去考一些鋼琴檢定之類的

[00:26:34] 中文 那你要去測量你的進步

[00:26:36] 中文 你才會繼續有動力產出你的進步

[00:26:40] 中文 那這個進步可以是很微小的

[00:26:42] 中文 比如說你的焦慮指數有在下降

[00:26:44] 中文 或是說你比較少跟另一半吵架

[00:26:46] 中文 或是你的睡眠停止改善了

[00:26:48] 中文 或是你批評自己的次數變少了

[00:26:50] 中文 所以你不要期待一個非常完美的目標

[00:26:55] 中文 而是你只要看見一個具體的進步

[00:26:57] 中文 哪怕是微小的也是一個很好的事情。

[00:27:08] 英文 When I look back over the thousands of therapy sessions, I don't remember clients changing overnight, I remember people changing gradually, one new habit, one new conversation, one new insight.

[00:27:20] 英文 One courageous decision at a time. That is usually how transformation happens. Not all at once, but one faithful step after a moment.

[00:27:46] 英文 So far today, we've talked about what therapy is.

[00:27:49] 英文 We've talked about how to get the most out of it.

[00:27:52] 英文 But now let's ask one final question.

[00:27:54] 英文 How do you know if you have found the right therapist?

[00:28:00] 英文 This is one of the most common questions people ask me.

[00:28:03] 英文 Many assume the answer depends on the degree.

[00:28:06] 英文 Should I see a psychologist?

[00:28:08] 英文 Should I see a counselor?

[00:28:10] 英文 Should I see a marriage and family therapist?

[00:28:12] 英文 Should I see a social worker?

[00:28:14] 英文 Those questions certainly have value. Training does matter, experience matters, specialized knowledge matters, but after many years in this profession, I don't believe those are the first questions people should ask. Instead, I would encourage you to ask three questions.

[00:28:50] 中文 但是我覺得其實可以用三個核心問題來檢視

[00:28:57] 中文 問一問,我可以相信這個人嗎?

[00:29:04] 英文 predictors of successful therapy is something called the therapeutic alliance. That simply

[00:29:10] 英文 means the quality of the relationship between the therapist and the client? Do you feel

[00:29:15] 英文 heard? Respected? Do you believe this person generally wants to help you? Can you imagine

[00:29:21] 英文 telling this person the parts of your story that you've never told anyone else before?

[00:29:26] 英文 Trust does not always develop in one session. Sometimes it does take time.

[00:29:40] 英文 but without trust, therapy becomes very difficult. I remember training him a therapist though in his career. One day he came to me excited. He said, my client finally trusts me. He was celebrating because that's taken several weeks and I smiled and congratulated him.

[00:30:08] 英文 Then I said something he's never forgotten. I said, good, now you can really finally start the work.

[00:30:15] 英文 And he looked surprised. He thought, I didn't trust to be the destination. It wasn't. It was just a doorway.

[00:30:21] 英文 Trust is essential, but trust is never the finish line. It is the beginning of the work.

[00:30:38] 英文 Question two, does my therapist have a clear process?

[00:30:55] 英文 Now imagine visiting a physician, you describe your symptoms, your doctor listens carefully,

[00:31:00] 英文 then says, I'm not really sure what we're going to do, let's just keep talking every week and see what happens.

[00:31:07] 英文 Well, most of us would probably seek a second opinion, yet this sometimes happens in therapy.

[00:31:13] 英文 Good therapists may use different methods.

[00:31:16] 英文 Some use cognitive behavioural therapy, others use acceptance and commitment therapy.

[00:31:21] 英文 Often others use solution-focused therapy, others integrate several research-based approaches.

[00:31:28] 英文 The exact model matters less than many people think.

[00:31:33] 英文 What matters is that your therapist has a thoughtful framework.

[00:31:37] 英文 Now, there should be tension behind what happens during your session.

[00:32:04] 英文 The therapist should know why they're asking these questions, why they're teaching particular skills, and why they believe this approach fits our situation.

[00:32:13] 英文 You deserve more than pleasant conversations. You deserve purposeful conversations.

[00:32:34] 英文 last question question three am i changing this may be the most important question of all

[00:32:43] 英文 sometimes people stay in therapy for years without stopping to ask whether their lives

[00:32:48] 英文 are actually improving now please don't misunderstand me healing is really quick

[00:32:54] 英文 growth is rarely linear some weeks will feel discouraging some weeks may even feel worse

[00:33:02] 中文 and feel better

[00:33:04] 中文 and that's normal

[00:33:05] 中文 第三個可以問的問題是我是否有在發生改變,因為治療並不是一個線性前進的歷程,有時候會比較慢,有時候會有上下起起伏伏,可是你應該是可以看到有一些推進的。

[00:33:24] 中文 但在時間上,你應該知道它的動作。可能你會回復後面的緊急,可能你的心情沒有控制每個決定。可能你會更正確的。可能你的家人會發現你會更加悲慘。可能你會睡得更好。可能你會比較多。可能你會比較多刺激。這些改變可能會變小,但你永遠不會再過測低小的改變,再繼續繼續。

[00:33:54] 中文 有一些推進,比如說衝突以後是不是可以更快的復原

[00:33:59] 中文 那焦慮不再主宰你的決定,你是不是可以更坦誠的溝通

[00:34:22] 英文 himself during the day. That was it. Nothing complicated, just a tally. To his surprise,

[00:34:29] 英文 after only a few weeks, those numbers began dropping. Why? Because paying attention created

[00:34:31] 中文 為什麼?因為要注意力,令人變得更多。

[00:34:34] 中文 因為要注意力,令人變得更多。

[00:34:36] 中文 所以,要注意力,令人變得更多。

[00:34:40] 中文 所以,要問問你,

[00:34:42] 中文 什麼是今天,對六個月後?

[00:34:45] 中文 如果答案是沒有,

[00:34:47] 中文 便是時間,要談談談談談。

[00:34:50] 中文 那像我有一次有一個客戶,她就是,她的目標是要減少她批評自己的時間和次數,所以她就開始算,她每天都花時間自我批評,那後來幾個禮拜過後她發現這個數字有在下降,所以就告訴我們說,其實有的時候改變是起於就是你有意識到我們要做某件事情,那意識就會帶來改變,所以就是請持續的問自己說,我今天很想要去做什麼事情,我們要去做什麼事情,我們要去做什麼事情。

[00:35:20] 中文 如果六個月前有什麼不一樣,那如果沒有什麼不一樣的話,那可能就是跟你的治療師要再溝通討論。

[00:35:29] 中文 而我們繼續今天 我 would like to leave you with this one

[00:35:39] 英文 Wisdom is more than knowledge. Wisdom is learning how to live well.

[00:35:45] 英文 I believe therapy, at its very best, is one pathway toward that wisdom.

[00:35:52] 英文 It helps us understand ourselves more honestly.

[00:35:55] 英文 It teaches us healthier ways to respond to suffering.

[00:35:59] 英文 It strengthens our relationships.

[00:36:01] 英文 It replaces unhealthy habits with healthier ones.

[00:36:05] 英文 Perhaps most importantly, it reminds us that while we cannot always control what happens to us, we can always control how we respond.

[00:36:14] 英文 Life will bring disappointment, stress, loss, failure, conflict. No one escapes these experiences.

[00:36:22] 英文 The question is not whether life will be difficult. The question is whether we will develop the skills to meet those difficulties well.

[00:36:29] 英文 That is where therapy can make an extraordinary difference.

[00:36:47] 中文 教導我們怎麼樣健康地面對挫敗 還有苦難 還有深化我們的人際關係

[00:36:54] 中文 然後提醒我們雖然我們沒有辦法永遠掌握外在發生在我們的事

[00:36:59] 中文 可是我們可以學習如何選擇自己回應這些事情的方式

[00:37:04] 中文 所以生命一定會有起起伏伏

[00:37:08] 中文 那關鍵不是在於我們會不會遇到這些磨難

[00:37:12] 中文 而是我們有沒有具備因應這些挑戰的適應技巧

[00:37:16] 中文 我開始寫這個詞,我問了一個詞,是否有生命的一切?是否有生命?是否有生命?或是否有空間?

[00:37:27] 中文 然後,20年來的一切,我相信是十分之一樣的答案,是否有生命的一切。人們的一切。

[00:37:33] 英文 Therapy by itself doesn't change lives.

[00:37:37] 英文 People do.

[00:37:38] 英文 Therapy simply gives people the knowledge, the skills, and the opportunity to change.

[00:37:44] 英文 But the decision to change, that always belongs to the individual.

[00:37:49] 英文 If you ever decide to be in therapy, don't ask the first question that most people ask.

[00:37:55] 英文 Don't ask, will therapy help me?

[00:37:58] 英文 Instead, ask yourself a better question. Am I willing to become the kind of person who gets the most out of therapy? Because the greatest predictor of success is not finding the perfect therapist, it's not becoming an engaged, honest, courageous client. Sorry, it is becoming an engaged, honest, courageous client.

[00:38:21] 英文 When a skilled therapist brings knowledge, and a courageous client brings commitment, transformation becomes possible.

[00:38:29] 英文 I'd like to leave you with one sentence that summarizes everything I've learned from the past two decades.

[00:38:34] 英文 The goal of therapy is not to be dependent on your therapist.

[00:38:39] 英文 The goal of therapy is to become increasingly capable without one.

[00:38:44] 英文 When therapy helps you think more clearly,

[00:38:47] 英文 look more deeply, respond more wisely,

[00:38:51] 英文 look more intentionally, then therapy has done its job.

[00:38:55] 英文 Thank you for allowing me to share this time with you.

[00:38:58] 英文 It's been an honor to be with you.

[00:39:00] 中文 我希望你 家庭和人們 為你影響的生命 為了聖誕 穩定 希望 和勇敢繼續墓 謝謝

[00:39:30] 中文 心理治療能不能幫助我

[00:39:32] 中文 而是問自己

[00:39:33] 中文 我願意成為那個從治療中獲得最大注意的主動參與者嗎

[00:39:39] 中文 那最後總結今天的分享

[00:39:41] 中文 就是心理治療目標不是讓你依賴你的治療師

[00:39:44] 中文 而是讓你在沒有治療師的時候

[00:39:47] 中文 也具有這個能力可以過得很好

[00:39:49] 中文 活出人生的精彩

[00:39:51] 中文 那祝福各位 謝謝大家